Leaving any relationship, especially a toxic romantic relationship, can leave pain and hurt that may seem unbearable. However, moving past that pain is easier than you might think. I will teach you today my 4 effective ways to overcome your pain and start all over again. Starting all over again is great, but you need firstly to overcome the toxicity from your previous relationships.

1. Acknowledging that you deserve a healthy relationship

Start loving yourself – flaws and all. A partner should be so lucky to be with you. The more you believe you deserve a healthy love the more you will notice the “red flags” or “warning bells”, which will lead to attract a functional relationship. If we don’t believe we are deserving of a caring, thoughtful, attentive partner, we often attract partners who don’t believe it either. Part of the problem with leaving toxic relationships believes that we can change the impossible and turn the dysfunctional “love” into a healthy relationship.

2. Accept that the relationship was toxic

We can only truly accept or cope with the loss of the relationship by fully accepting and understanding all that was wrong with it.
Leaving any relationship, toxic or not, creates a grief response similar to a bereavement. We have to go through the stages of accepting that the relationship was toxic and that leaving was the best/only option. Once that happens, we will have to go through emotions such as hurt, anger, loss and sadness.
Coping in a healthy way after any breakup also requires making re-adjustments to ones life at all levels: psychological adjustments, physical adjustments and environmental adjustments. A toxic relationship leaves people with debris, but once these adjustments happen, the coping becomes easier.

3. Start Again

It’s better to end something and try to start something new than imprison yourself in hoping for the impossible.
Usually, the toughest aspect of a toxic relationship is ending or breaking out of it in the first place. It is important to set clear healthy boundaries on the level of respect, compassion and kindness you deserve. Don’t be afraid to walk away from a relationship that is destructive to your self-esteem and that is no longer serving you. Remind yourself that you are moving forward, away from this self-hurting tendency and towards a brighter future.

4. Regain Your Self-Esteem

It might sound ridiculous to some, but take time to tell yourself that you are smart, beautiful, and worthy of a good life and good relationship. Say it out loud or within your mind, in the mirror, shower, car, wherever you feel comfortable. If you need to, create an affirmation to repeat to yourself on a regular basis. Maintaining your self-esteem, especially in the wake of a toxic relationship, can be difficult, but it’s essential for those who need a reminder of their worth as a person. Always remember you are worth a better relationship.

Author: Samar Raman